Believe it or not

This afternoon, for only the second time in my life, a Clear Blue Digital test glowed "Pregnant" at me.

The first time was yesterday morning.

In between the two digital tests, I also peed on two regular pregnancy tests. Both showed faint, but distinct second pink lines.

So, four over-the-counter tests have confirmed what I hope will stick: My first pregnancy. The result of 14 months' collaboration by doctors, nurses, lab techs, pharmacists, my dear husband and myself.

Yesterday, I was so certain the test would be negative -- only 11 days past the IUI (10 days past ovulation?) and at least three, if not five, days before I expected my period. Anyway, I was so certain, I hopped in the shower without even waiting for the test result.

My husband, let's call him Chris, got out of the shower before me, but when I asked him what it said, he simply replied, "Let's wait and look together."

I finally finished, wrapped myself in a towel and padded over to the bathroom counter. There was no uncertainty, no pink line to analyze. Just a digital screen glaring "Pregnant." Chris started doing some victory dance, but suddenly, I was so overcome by emotion, I just started crying. No, sobbing. Uncontrollably. Chris picked me up and hugged me so hard. But I couldn't stop. Getting here has been so hard.

All these months, I have been trying not to torture myself by imagining what it would be like. And now I am. Pregnant. Just like that. Other than my nipples feeling like they're pressed against blocks of ice, I feel pretty normal. A little backache and some bloating, but nothing that couldn't be blamed on PMS or too much Chinese food.

Thursday I go for a blood test, and 48 hours later for a second blood test to measure my HCG levels and make sure this is real.

I still can't believe it.